did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
