there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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