ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
