I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
