He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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