U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
