I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you never un-have a 4some
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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