I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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