Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
