I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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