Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
