3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
