I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
