Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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