hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
