i permit you to call me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
