yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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