idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
