you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
