i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
