thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize