Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
