I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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