she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
