So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
