you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
