i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im holly from the hills drunk
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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