recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
