Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
