"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
