if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
