Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
