It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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