Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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