so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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