Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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