This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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