Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm both gender and math confused
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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