she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
