the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
