All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
