What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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