Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
