How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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