like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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