I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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