Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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