Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
