Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
