Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
