I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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