i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
