K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
