I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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