that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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