She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
