the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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