i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize