I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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