i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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