I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
