The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
