omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
