I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
one two three fourrrrnication!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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