talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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