She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
